


No Sugar In My Coffee

by beingextremelygay



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Can someone give Catra a break, Diabetic Character, Disabled Catra, Disabled Character, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Foster Care, Gen, Modern AU, Multi, POV Adora (She-Ra), POV Alternating, POV Catra (She-Ra), Parental Abuse, Running Away, Slow Burn, So much angst, Type 1 Diabetes, Underage Drinking, amber alert mention, extremely angsty, idiots to lovers, parental abandonment, parental neglect, some body shaming language, specifically from parents, troubled teenagers, tw suicidality mention, type one diabetes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:16:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29771238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beingextremelygay/pseuds/beingextremelygay
Summary: Modern AU, where Catra is disabled (Type 1 Diabetic) and can't chase after a runaway Adora. Angst ensues.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora & Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora & Light Hope (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Catra & Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for giving this a read! Please check tags for trigger warnings. I wasn't seeing a lot of disabled characters in any of the fics I was reading, and wanted to incorporate some of my experience as a Type 1 Diabetic into the stuff I was writing. Please leave a comment if you enjoyed it and would like to read more of this! If I left out any sort of trigger in the tags that you'd like me to include, I can absolutely do that.

Catra knew nothing was guaranteed. At the age of fifteen, she already felt this truth. Having something one day, didn’t mean it would be there tomorrow. This was applicable to her mother’s love, her next meal, the roof over her head, and her life saving medication. Every day was a negotiation, and every night was a bitter game of chess to get what she needed to survive. Despite this, there were some things she managed to let herself count on. 

Adora was one of them. 

That proved to be a mistake. Because Adora was gone. 

“Hello?” she answered the unknown number.  
“Catra?”  
“Yeah, who’s this.”  
“It’s Hope.” Adora’s foster mom. Catra’s stomach dropped. How did she even get this number?  
“Is Adora with you?” There was no panic in Hope’s voice, but there was a sharpness to it, like this may be Catra’s fault. This was no surprise. Catra didn’t care for the woman, Adora had always been a paycheck to her. Some foster kid she could wave around to prove her moral high ground. Bullshit. 

Catra thought of lying. Adora might be doing something she didn’t want her foster mom to know about, and Catra wasn’t a rat. But she and Adora had snuck off plenty of times before, and Hope had never been desperate enough to start calling her friends. 

“I heard she was gonna hang out with Lonnie later.” she offered. She had heard no such thing, but it felt like a safe middle ground, in case Adora was looking for cover. 

“Don’t lie to me.”  
“I’m not.”  
“She’s not with Lonnie, I already called her.”  
“That sounds like a you problem.”  
Hope huffed something that sounded halfway to a snarl. 

“Look I don’t know where she is. Call your social worker if you’re that worried about it.”  
“If you see her, call me” Hope hung up. 

Panic rose in Catra. She would offer no help to That Woman, but clearly something was wrong. Adora always told her what was going on. 

She dialed, but no response. She called again. And again.  
“Hey a-dork-a where are you?” no text back.  
Call again.  
“I’m starting to freak out. Just answer so I know you’re ok. I won’t tell your mom if you dont want me to” 

Still, nothing. Catra couldn’t breathe. No need to let Adora know that, but she was going to kill her when she did respond.

Catra’s bloodsugar was starting to drop. She always forgot to carry juice boxes with her, or her sugar tester for that matter, but she could feel it in the way she got loose in her thinking- that was notably not a panic attack. Like the earliest stages of getting drunk- but she wasn’t drunk there was just no sugar going to her brain.

She forced herself to move. She had been killing time at the strip mall, and put two dollars in dimes into the vending machine, with increasingly shaky hands. Normally she didn’t need to worry about this. Normally Adora had some sort of snack on her in case Catra’s diabetes flipped out. 

The can of cola finally dropped and Catra broke it open, chugging past the sharp carbonation in a full body adrenaline rush. She fell back against the wall and let herself slump down. She handled this alone all the time, but it was never fun. The thought struck her that, if anything really had happened to Adora, she might be doing this alone for the rest of her life. 

‘Don’t be stupid’ she thought. ‘She’s fine’ 

Adora had stayed up into the early hours with her, on the nights when Catra was sure she would kill herself before morning, but Adora had never expressed any risk in harming herself in any way. She was miserable, sure, but not self destructive. The closest she had ever gotten to imploding was when she and Catra would plot their escape together. 

It was always hypothetical, of course. No matter how much they talked about buying a greyhound ticket, changing their names, going to the middle of nowhere and starting over, there was no way they actually could. Without insulin, Catra was about 24 hours, maximum, from being dead on the floor. So no matter what they talked about, no matter what Catra’s mom did, and no matter how bitchy Hope was, they were stuck here. 

Catra’s eyes shot open in a moment of panicked realization. 

The reason Adora didn’t leave, was because Catra couldn’t leave. She knew that. She had said as much. What if Adora actually left without her? 

She racked her brain for where she could be hiding. Anything but that possibility. Adora would have told her. Probably. 

No, definitely. She would have told her. 

She would have. 

The plan they had always talked about, since they were at least 12 and started talking about this with any practicality, was that they would catch the bus to the ferry terminal and head to Moon Bay. Adora had some biological cousin there, who she knew about but had never met. Catra never bought that some lady who didn’t even know Adora- Adora who was clean and perfect and reasonable- would take her AND some disabled punk with a kleptomania problem. 

Maybe Adora agreed with that idea. Maybe that’s why she didn’t call. 

Catra was switching like a flickering light between ‘she actually left without me’ and ‘there’s no way, she’s just sleeping at some other friend’s house and lost track of time’ 

But she didn’t have to wait long to find out. 

Catra went home reluctantly, which was how she always went home. She and Adora had started joking that Catra was as homeless as you could be while still having a house. There was some bitter truth to that. Her mom, a permanent fixture at the kitchen table, greeted her with a, “Those pants don’t fit you, you look like a balloon animal.” She pushed past it up the stairs.

Catra didn’t even bother going into the kitchen for food. Eating in front of her mom had long ago proven more trouble than it was worth, and her mom developed a habit of cooking for one, around the time Catra turned 13. They lived in a relatively wealthy area, it’s not that there wasn’t the means to better stock the pantry. It was about the trouble it took. Her dad had been the cook, but he left when she was 9. Not that Catra could blame him for that. 

She made her way into her room, and went for her secret stash of granola bars. But not before catching her reflection in the mirror. Yeah, maybe her shorts were a little small around the waist. Still, its not like her mom was gonna buy her new clothes about it, even if she was right. Her t-shirt was a hand-me-down from Adora, and her oversized leather jacket she had won in a bet with some jock at school who thought he could beat her at arm wrestling. She still filled it out nicely with her massive head of curls, and her sharp eyes. That was about the only thing she liked in the reflection though. 

The back of her closet was equipped with a half-full bottle of wine she nabbed from Hope’s basement, a box of granola bars that had been sitting in the youth center kitchen, and some dark chocolate that her mom had planned on baking with at some point and forgot about. 

She would use the wine with Adora the next time they had a sleepover, Catra resolved. 

Catra’s mom knocked once, waited exactly zero seconds, then came in holding her phone. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she barked, not a question.  
“Jesus christ.” Catra jumped, closing her closet door “Tell you what?” 

She flipped her smart phone around to reveal an email, sent out to every parent in the school district. 

“AMBER ALERT - ADORA GREY - 5’8” AGE 16 - MISSING CHILD” 

“Did you have something to do with this?” her mom accused.  
“What? What’s wrong with you?” Catra wishes she was surprised at the accusation, but she wasn’t. Everything was always her fault. Her dad leaving, her disability, and now this.  
“I’m calling the police, I’m sure you know something that could help them.” It wasn’t a question and her mom was already dialing.  
“God, what if some creep picked her up. I’m sure Hope is so worried” She lifted the phone to her ear. “Hello? Yes I’m calling about Adora, the amber alert…” she walked away.

Catra cooly noted that, if the situation were reversed and she was the one missing, her mom wouldn’t be this distressed. In fact she knew it. Whenever Catra was gone for long enough that her mom noticed, the only response was anger that she made her mom have to think about her. Not in those words, but it didn’t have to be. Her mom had always liked Adora more than her own kid, offering to drive her home or make her dinner, when Catra couldn’t so much as take care of herself in front of her mom without getting criticised. 

No, Catra didn’t think someone picked her friend up. Adora had left her. Just like her dad. Just like everyone else. Hot tears pricked in her eyes. 

She was deadweight. She had been cut loose. She was too sick, too ‘dramatic’, too hot headed, too much. Always too much. Kindness always bottomed out. I guess this was where it ended with Adora. 

But Catra wouldn’t be a victim. She wouldn’t be dropped. She wouldn’t be Left Behind, anymore. She had been stupid to get too comfortable in this. She saw that now. 

If Adora didn’t need her, then she didn’t need Adora. Why should she care if she didn’t want her anymore. She swallowed hard. She decided a long time ago she wouldn’t cry for people who didn’t care about her. 

Catra’s mom came back in the room, still on the phone. “Ok. Ok we’ll be there in twenty minutes. Thank you.”  
Then up at Catra, “Get in the car, bring your phone.” 

‘Fine’ Catra thought. ‘I’m going to tell them everything.’


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora explains... kind of

Sometimes, all it takes is five minutes of action. Don’t think about it too hard. Just move. 

Adora was good at moving. ‘You’re also good at not thinking’ she could hear Catra tease, even when Catra wasn’t there. 

No. Don’t think about Catra right now. If she thinks about Catra, she’ll turn back. She has to trust that she’s fine, that she’s going to be fine. She was doing Catra a favor, that was how Adora had to think of it. What sort of life could she offer her, broke, running, and always mere hours away from total collapse. That wasn’t fair. She wouldn’t do that to her best friend. 

She would figure it out though. They had certainly talked about it enough, though Adora suspected Catra didn’t actually want to go. What Catra wanted was a loving family, a sense of belonging. Catra was able to stand up for herself, able to continue being herself even when people asked her to be something different. Adora couldn’t do that, so Adora had to run. 

It was a stupid plan. She knew it, but it was all she had. She had some savings, she had been smart with them, but at some point she bought something stupid. Expensive and stupid. One of those Ancestry DNA tests. “You know they just want to get your genetic coding so they can sell it to mad scientists n shit” Catra had rolled her eyes. But she didn’t press it- she knew this was important to Adora, to know where she came from. 

Adora learned she was 90% French (not that Adora could speak a word of it past Bonjour,) that most of her biological family line wound up in Quebec, and that she had a cousin. A real, living cousin, who had also done one of those stupid tests. A cousin who was nearby. 

“Whoa. What does that mean?” Catra had asked, almost a year ago now.  
“What do you mean ‘what does it mean?’ I have a cousin, it's not a big deal or anything.” Adora was trying to play it off.  
“Yeah, but they’re really close. You were the one that made a big deal out of this thing. This is like, best case scenario.” They were attempting to dye Catra’s hair with some of Hope’s bleach, and kool-aid. Catra bent her hair over the edge of the bathtub while Adora held the shower head, trying not to get Catra’s shirt too wet.  
“Listen,” Catra’s voice echoed off the porcelain tub, “I think, if you spent a stupid amount of money and let the government clone you without your consent using your DNA spit, just so you can find any family you have- ow ow ow too hot” She swatted the shower head away and fiddled with the dial, “You should at least say hi to them.”

The latch downstairs clicked, meaning that Hope was about to come in, and they were about to get in trouble. They threw a towel over Catra’s hair, stashed the kool aid powder and the bleach they definitely didn’t ask if they could use, and ran back to Adora’s room, as fast as two teenage girls can possibly move. They left the subject in the bathroom, and it never came up again. 

Adora snickered to herself on the bus. Catra’s hair looked stupid for a month. 

No, don’t think about Catra right now. Think about moving. Catra will be fine. She’s smart, she’s gritty, she’s strong. She has an endurance in the face of being opposed that Adora just never ever had. Adora did the right thing. 

….

She’ll be fine. 

Catra never needed anyone to save her. Adora needs to be saved. Angella offered that. 

Well not quite.

Angella offered that Adora could come for a visit. Meet her daughter. Maybe tell her a bit about the family history. Adora didn’t tell her she was going to ask to stay. Please, please let her stay. 

Adora got off the bus for the ferry terminal. It was about a two hour ride, just to take another two hour boat ride, then another half hour ride on a smaller boat. No one knew she was missing yet, but still, she took pains to hide her bright blond hair, to dress in baggy clothes, keep her head away from any security footage. She just needed to buy time. 

Adora didn’t talk to anyone about what it was like at Hope’s house. Not really. It's not that she actively wanted to hide it, but there were a few hiccups in communication. 

First, whenever she brought up any complaint, she was met with a choir of “but she took you in, she did all the paperwork to take care of you, don’t you understand how hard it must be for her” and it never ends. This usually kills the conversation in the cradle. On the flip side, whenever she expressed concern to the people meant to oversee the system, there was very little she could actually do. Hope took extremely good care of Adora in that she was dressed, and fed, and all her grades were good. If she hovered a bit, that wasn’t enough for Adora to move around. But hovering wasn’t the issue. Not really. 

Second- and this was mostly true for Catra, who understood- she never knew what to say, even when she was allowed to talk about it. She didn’t have the vocabulary. Catra never asked for an explanation, she just understood what it was like to feel stuck. Still, Adora wishes she knew how to talk about it. She had other friends in foster care. Their parents were wonderful. Helpful, kind, patient. She knew how loving found family could be- how it usually was. But, somehow, Hope didn’t see Adora as a person, in a way Adora struggled to articulate. It made her skin crawl. It wasn’t just strict, or expecting a lot from her, it was something else. 

This was what she had to focus on.  
She just had to keep acting on instinct. 

She would see Catra again. She would be fine. She couldn’t explain to her over text what happened. She couldn’t risk someone taking Catra’s phone to find her. But maybe, if she was lucky, Catra would think to check the tree fort in her backyard. 

If not, she was sure Catra would understand when she saw her again. Whenever that wound up being. She just needed time to figure this out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment if you liked it. I don't think I'll have the stamina to do two chapters a day, but today I had a burst of creativity. I'm really excited about this fic and I'm having fun exploring it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's just a kid. But that never made anything easier, did it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Drop a comment if you like it!
> 
> TW for police officers and alcohol consumption in this chapter

Catra curled into bed, coiling as tight as she could. Her jaw hadn’t relaxed since- well ever- but especially not today. The sun was all the way down, and there was no sign of everyone’s favourite runaway. Catra’s nails dug into her palms, and her eyes refused to open. Her shoulders began to shake. Her everything was shaking. 

“Adora” it came out as a squeak. 

She wasn’t crying, not exactly. But her body couldn’t help reacting to the absence of her friend, like a tongue over a missing tooth. Normally on a summer night like this one, they would be together, alternating whose house they slept at. Catra’s hand rested over the pillow, and felt linen where Adora’s head should be. This wasn’t fair. 

Things had been different lately. Maybe that was why she left her behind. Maybe Catra completely misread the night just last week, when Adora had brushed a stand off Catra’s cheek, and their eyes lingered just a little too long, her fingers a little too comfortable along her jawline in the dark. The moment broken by an awkward laugh. 

“What are you thinking about?” Catra asked, unsure of what answer she was hoping for.   
“Nothing, it’s just your birthday is coming up. I was thinking about what to get you.”  
“You don’t have to get me anything.”  
“Yeah but I have some babysitting money. I want to.” Adora laughed. “If you could have anything in the world, what would it be.”  
Catra thought for a moment. She hadn’t asked herself that question. The answer surprised her a bit, and she didn’t say anything. Her jaw still felt like it was sparkling from the touch a moment ago.   
“Come on, you can tell me” Adora prodded. No, Catra couldn’t tell her.   
“I want a day at the beach.”   
“Anything else?”  
“Yeah, I want you to buy me breakfast.”  
“Yes. Can do.”  
“And! I want you to watch a horror movie with me, in a pillow fort.”   
Adora laughed, and the sparkle on Catra’s jawline spread through her whole body like someone ringing a bell in her chest.   
“Then do you wanna sleep at my house afterwards?” Adora asked.  
“Yes please.”   
“Ok. I can do all that.” 

Catra used to prop her leg up on Adora’s hip, her arm rested lazily across her torso. The only way they could get a peaceful night’s sleep. They would wake up for the other whenever nightmares shook them from dreaming. They would- they would- 

…

They wouldn’t do anything now. 

Catra grabbed Adora’s pillow, and threw it across the room. She let out an angry wail, submitting herself to grief. So what if her mom heard her. So what if her mom dropped dead for all she cared. Adora was gone.

Since the Amber Alert went out, Catra had been flooded with texts. Everyone seemed to expect that Catra was gonna know where she was, who she had been with. Every buzz on her phone felt like a stab in the heart. Couldn’t people leave her alone? They always had before this. 

Well, everyone except law enforcement. 

While Catra had never been properly arrested, she had definitely been hassled, yelled at, kicked out, and chased. She started stealing when her mom checked out, and while she hadn’t been caught red handed yet, she knew their response would be a little more hands on than when she got called on for loitering. Walking into their beehive felt notably uncomfortable. This was her first time handling this alone.

When was the last time you saw her  
Yesterday  
Did she seem strange to you at all?  
She was checking her phone a lot. Otherwise no.  
Has she said anything to you since yesterday?  
No.   
Does she have a boyfriend.   
Ha! No.   
Did she ever express any interest in leaving? Running away?

Catra sat in that question. Marinating in the last moments before her betrayal. She could cover again. Her teeth were locked into each other, in the last opportunity for indecision. 

“Catra” the officer broke her concentration. “Adora could be in trouble. A lot of trouble.”   
Adora was never in trouble with anyone except Hope. But guilt tugged on the corner of her mind, and her lip trembled. Maybe something had happened to Adora. Maybe Catra was being a massive bitch and making this all about her, all over again, when the person she loved most in the world might actually be in trouble. Catra’s head felt like it was overheating, and she pressed it to the cool table, rather than answer the question. 

Was it betrayal to tell what she knew? Was it just getting her friend back? Why does something like this always happen to Catra, always forced to make these huge moral decisions on how to react. Christ. She’s only a kid.

“Let me think.” Catra said, taking a deep breath.   
“Hey, have I seen you somewhere before?” Catra looked up at the officer. It was a genuine question. But the time was up, she could address Adora or dignify that with a response.   
“My kid is around your age, do you play soccer? That might be it.”   
Catra couldn’t leave him to think about this too hard. Last week she had made a break for it when a security guard asked her to ‘please come talk to him in the grocery store’ and she was sure there was footage somewhere of a huge head of curls. 

Adora was fine, and if she wasn’t then her fucking long lost cousin could deal with it. 

“Yeah, I think I know where Adora is.” 

She gave them all of it. The secret DNA test, the mysterious cousin, the runaway plans. Everything. 

“I’m just really worried” Catra was laying it on a little thick. “Do you really think something might have happened to her? What if this cousin isn’t a good person? Do you think they’ll take advantage of her?” Making her eyes as wide as saucers. “I didn’t wanna give up her secret, but I’m so scared”   
“You did the right thing.” The officer said. “You seem pretty upset, and I don’t have any further questions. Do you want me to get your mom?”   
“No no, it’s ok. I can meet her in the lobby.” Her mom had insisted on coming into the room with her, but it was, blissfully, against protocol. 

“We’re all done Mrs. Weaver. Thanks so much for bringing her in.”   
Catra’s mom stood up “What did she tell you?! Did she cooperate?” Like Catra had been brought in as a suspect.   
“She was very helpful, I think she just needs a good night’s rest.” 

Catra wasn’t resting. The wave of anguish made her feel like she might never rest again. She didn’t know what was going on. No matter what had happened, it was worst case scenario: Adora was in danger, or Adora had abandoned her. What could she do about either of that? 

She smelled her mom cooking in the kitchen, and Catra remembered that she never got to finish her granola bar from earlier. 

Nothing was fair, she was hungry to the point of nausea, and she was completely alone in the world. The pain felt sharp and unbearable and nothing would ever ever make it stop. She couldn’t think of anything beyond reaching for the bottle in the back of her closet. 

Her mom wouldn’t check on her unless she made too much noise. But Catra had gotten pretty good at avoiding the landmines of her mother’s attention. She could be drunk and quiet. She would have to be careful of the booze dropping her bloodsugar, but she could make her way down to the kitchen whenever her mom was done cooking and snag some orange juice. 

The tangy taste of the wine hit the back of Catra’s throat, and she felt instant relief. Her heart was looking for anything- Anything!- to dull this. Alcohol was a tried and true practice for numbing. Nothing else had been this consistent in her life anyways, since she picked it up on her fourteenth birthday. 

If Adora didn’t want to be her girlfriend, wine would be her girlfriend. 

Not that she wanted Adora to be her girlfriend. 

God, stop thinking. Stop thinking. Stop it. 

She wouldn’t cry. 

Catra fell asleep clutching the pillow she had assaulted earlier, shaking, and whispering one shaky word over and over, to no one there to hear it. 

“Adora”


End file.
